We sometimes face situations in life where we simply cannot communicate.
Especially when encountering someone with a 'contrarian mentality' who wants to do something even more when told not to, direct criticism or commands often backfire.
Through the 'highly sophisticated strategy disguised as indifference' demonstrated by a retired elderly man, I would like to share wisdom on how to turn the tables on human relationships.
Mr. Kim, who spent his entire life amidst the noise of the city, returned to his dream hometown village after retirement.
His goal was simple: to sit by the window overlooking the yard and quietly finish his memoir.
However, the peace did not last long. It was because of three neighborhood kids who would invariably show up after school. The children kicked the trash can in front of Old Man Kim's house like a soccer ball, shouting loud enough to shake the neighborhood. An ordinary person would have opened the window and yelled at them, but the old man was different. Instead, he went outside with a benevolent smile. "Kids, your footwork is extraordinary! Watching you play really gives me energy. Will you come every day and play this excitedly? As a token of my gratitude, I will give you 1,000 won every day." The children's eyes widened. Money just for playing! Excited, the children kicked the trash can even harder (?) than usual. Three days later, the old man spoke to the children in a dejected voice. "I'm sorry, prices have gone up so much lately that I can only give you 500 won now." The children grumbled, but since 500 won wasn't a small amount of money, he continued. A week later, the old man appeared with a very troubled expression. "Kids, my pension has been cut off, so I think I can only give you exactly 20 won a day from now on." At this, the children's reaction was cold. "Only 20 won? Grandpa, do you think we go through all this trouble here just to get that pittance? We're not doing it anymore!" From that day on, the children never kicked the trash can near the old man's house again.
The old man returned to his peaceful study and picked up his pen.
A frightening psychological law is hidden within this story.
It is the technique of substituting 'intrinsic motivation' with 'extrinsic reward'.
The distortion of motivation: At first, kicking the trash can was 'fun (intrinsic motivation)' for the children. However, once the old man started giving them money, the children's goal changed to 'money (extrinsic motivation).'
Loss of reward: When the old man reduced the reward (money), the children lost the reason to continue this behavior. This is because the original 'fun' has already turned into 'labor'.
Turning Rebelliousness into an Opportunity: If he had said "Stop it!", the children would have caused even more of a commotion to play a trick on the elderly man, but the elderly man made them stop on their own by touching upon their 'interest'.
When you want to correct someone's behavior, sometimes 'strategic indifference' or 'reverse-thinking praise' becomes a much more powerful weapon.
Inter-floor Noise or Neighbor Conflicts: Instead of getting angry, try praising the other person's behavior as 'consideration' or 'talent' and instilling a sense of obligation.
Disobedient Child: Rather than forcing them, adjust the reward for the behavior very slightly so that they lose interest on their own. Wisdom is needed to create.
