It was a day when the sunset outside the window cast long shadows all the way into the living room.
A question she had tossed out unintentionally lingered in the air. "Mom, will it really be okay if I don't get married?"
Mom gazed out the window for a long time, then spoke softly, as if she had prepared the sentence in advance.
"My child, if fireworks are popping outside and the savory smell of soybean paste stew is spreading through every neighborhood alley, and the rest of your family is walking hand in hand affectionately... then it will be hard for you to hold back the tears welling up."
Those words were like a prophecy.
It was a warning about the sense of alienation and silence that one left alone must endure.
It was the typical landscape of happiness that our society has long defined under the name of the 'normal family.'
But there was one thing Mom didn't know.
The fact that I had already fiercely passed through all those landscapes.
People often assume that someone who is alone is lonely because of a 'lack.'
But I have already seen enough of the dazzling fireworks flickering in a fleeting moment.
I have walked brightly lit streets alone or with someone, and I have countless times brushed past lovers holding hands, indulging in the reflections in each other's eyes.
It is not that those landscapes were not beautiful.
However, I also saw the emptiness hidden behind that splendor, and the fragility of happiness that can only be completed by relying on others.
The true nature of those 'tears' Mom spoke of might have been 'anxiety stemming from being different from others.'
But I discovered something greater than that anxiety within myself.
In this massive gray city, people live at their own pace.
Some find comfort within the fence of family, while others, like me, learn how to stand on their own.
If you look closely, each person's eyes contain their own four seasons.
The Excitement of Spring: A season of beginnings, not of new relationships, but of getting to know oneself.
The Intensity of Summer: A time to establish my values while fighting against social prejudices.
The Harvest of Autumn: Inner peace gained by becoming free from the gaze of others.
The Introspection of Winter: Replacing solitude not with loneliness, but with a time for contemplation. Strength.
To someone who has endured and enjoyed these four seasons entirely alone, tears shed for failing to do 'what everyone else does' are no longer a luxury.
The moment I decided not to fit myself into the formula of 'cliché happiness' set by the world, I finally became free.
Korean sentiment particularly emphasizes 'togetherness.' It is a belief that holidays must be boisterous, that one must find a partner once one reaches a certain age, and that one must have children by one's side in old age.
However, we must now change the question. "Are we happy because we are together, or are we together because we are afraid of being alone?"
I do not want to be the latter.
Rather than grieving the fact that I am alone when fireworks explode, I want to be someone who fully records the fleeting beauty of those sparks settling in my eyes.
When the aroma of delicious food wafts in, I believe in the dignity of a single serving prepared with care for myself, just as much as the joy of cooking for someone else.
Ultimately, life is a path that everyone walks alone.
The only difference is whether there is family or friends on that path. A person with a strong inner self is not swayed by the scenery.
I know that my mother's worries stemmed from love.
Because in the era she lived in, that was the only answer. But now I want to answer Mom.
"Mom, I no longer cry because of that cliché formula of the world.
Because my eyes already hold a wider world and deeper seasons."
The choice of remaining single is not about giving up something.
Rather, it is the most proactive attitude toward life, to place 'my existence' as the highest priority.
Today, I cheer for the four seasons of all those walking alone, yet proudly, in this vast city.We will not cry, and we will live on, setting off our own fireworks within our hearts.
